8/somethingOn handing out books-First Day of School “And now it’s time to pass out the books. I’ll throw them at you and you will pass out.” –Joyce 8/21 Student “Do you believe in the American way?” Joyce: “No, I believe in my way.” 8/22 The plural of cows is caine. 8/22 On girls- captatio maleventio “She’s been around more times than a trolley in a round house” 8/23 On the dance policy “You can rip your clothes off and have at it, laddy. I don’t care. It’s not my body.” 8/25 On literary devices “I used to date a girl named Hyperbole. She always wanted more.” 9/5 On Angelina Jolie “She was SO hideous as a teenager. I tell you what, she was the hamburger that no one would eat.” 9/6 On boogers “There are the little freshman whining. I’m like, what, do I LOOK like a tissue factory? NO. You have 2 options. You either stick this finger up this nostril and suck like an elephant drinking water. OR you stick your other finger- your digger- up the other nostril- and you had BETTER NOT roll it flick it. AND YOU EAT IT.” 9/10 On politicians “We’re always fascinated by who they’re sleeping with. WHO ARE THEY SLEEPING WITH? Gerbils. Gerbils, I SAY!” 9/11 On translating too fast “NO! You don’t read from notes! You’re going through the passage like Grant through Richmond.” 9/12 Brad: “Don’t all Chinese people read Chinese?” Joyce: “You know what you say to that? Don’t all Irishmen read Gaelic? No. Except for me.” 9/12 Lara “I’m being honest. I’d never make it in a life of crime.” 9/12 Joyce “I miss Gunther. Remember when you’d say BOO and *pfffft* she’d blush and light up like a light bulb?” 9/26 On speaking English “Oh you know. This dude has a thingy and that dude has a thingy and they get together and thingicize each other.” 9/27 On travel “You load the asses up with treasure.” “And what if Mrs. Cicero wants to shop?” 9/28 On nothing “Get away. I don’t want you staring at my breast.” 10/1 On getting away with everything (administration ignorance) Lara “Are you ten-yeared?” Joyce “Yes” Lara “Good. I can come visit you for ten more years.” Megan “Lara, you do realize that the word is tenured, not ten-yeared?” 10/2 On eating in class Ksjusha “I should’ve just said that.” Joyce ‘Well I didn’t hear you because your mouth is full of FOOD” Megan “It could be full of much worse things.” 10/2 On slow people “You move like a bad bowel movement on a sick day” | 
